2004-03-01 - 12:05 a.m.
sheesh, i've grown up a lot in the past weeks, months, and year. i was just reading some of my older entries with the empeding "threat" of clark entering my life again...and it is amazing what a difference there is between 17 and 19. and i should know, i work with two 17 year-olds now.i can't help but be completely thrown with martha's short e-mail today. i contacted her friday (once i heard clark was safely back in florida and out of haiti) to try and get his parents' address there to send him a card or flowers or something. today she said she could get that address for me if i wanted but the surest way of getting him would to be send something to the church since he would be there in a week or so.
my knees just about gave out. i feared as i heard the reports from haiti that i might not ever even see clark again. but the possibility that he might be in town when i'm starting to move stuff back was great. and, is he just visiting or...
me and that boy have always had that strange connection. and by strange connection i mean something that seems to almost be out of our hands. is clark just visiting? if he is and just happens to be the same time i am that is weird. because, well, he was supposed to be in HAITI now and i wouldn't even be back if i weren't moving back for good which i wouldn't have been doing if bevan hadn't decided she wanted to move out. but then i had the thought that maybe clark was going to do more than just visit raleigh.
i mean, why would martha recommend i send him stuff there if he was only visiting for a weekend or so? i don't want to jump to any conclusions because she is an old lady and very sweet but also loopy in her own way. she might not mean anything by it besides the fact that i could give him stuff by way of sending it to her. yet, if he is coming back...holy crap that would just about be my dream.
and if we both are coming back to raleigh for long-term at the same time i would SERIOUSLY wonder about just what the powers that be have in mind. i mean, after all the growing i've done and all. the direction my life is taking. everything. it is all very curious.
so now i've started the thought ball rolling when i haven't even heard back from her yet just what is going on. hope she replies, say, tomorrow morning. like when i wake up early to touch up my hairdye and do some yoga stretches. (very good in the morning. makes my body feel all loose and alligned.) or, at least, that she'll tell me i'll see him next weekend and get to go to church with him.
amethyst stars - porcelain skies
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